This is a long post so sorry (not sorry) in advance.
Ok so my coach the other day said to dig deep and figure out our WHY for choosing to be a health and fitness coach. WHY did you choose to sign up and taking a step to help people fulfill healthy lives?
I really couldn't figure out my WHY. I mean I started working out after I had my daughter because I just didn't feel like ME. I had this whole new post mom bod with a c-section shelf, a belly that looked like a deflated balloon, a scar across my belly and post nursing boobs and I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself. For the record I am very proud of all of those things that came with my pregnancy. I am proud of my body for carrying such a healthy beautiful (large) child to term. But I just wanted to be confident in this post mom body. Is that selfish? I don't know. But I didn't like how I constantly felt ugly.
So I was thinking of my WHY while listening to the call and I REALLY started to think. Then it hit me.
I became a health and fitness coach because I want my daughter to grow up to be confident in her self and never let negative people or thoughts determine how she feels. What people say when you are younger can impact you more than you think.
(Which let me say before my story my parents have always told me I am fine the way I am. They are pretty awesome)
Rewind waaaay back to when I was younger. I was a pretty active kid, always played outside, was in gymnastics, would swim at my best friends house, etc. I was a normal active kid. My parents are awesome and raised us all to be decent human beings despite the fact my siblings and I were terrible to each other. I never thought I was "chubby" or "fat" or anything because I WAS A KID!!
But then something happened when I was in third grade. My pencils had dropped on the ground and I was wearing shorts so when I went to pick them up I was kneeling so my thighs and calves were touching (does that make sense?) and the kid that was helping me said "Geez lay off the sugar pops, look at your legs!" Ummmm I WAS IN THIRD GRADE!!! So at what 8-9 years old I had some little kid tell me in not so many words I was chubby. I didn't let it bother me (or so I thought at the time) and went about my way with my trapper keeper and pencil box.
Fast forward to 5th grade when I was still doing gymnastics and I was doing something that involved running then flying into a foam pit. There were older kids who were spotters for us. I was next in line to run and jump and the older kids were having a conversation. I distinctly remember them talking about a kid that was "larger than the rest" Was it me? Was it the random kid in the next class? I didn't know but I remember them saying that and I took it to heart. No joke I went home that night and told my mom I didn't want to do gymnastics anymore. I was embarrassed because I thought they were talking about me. That same year my chest also started to sprout so maybe it was all hormones going crazy ( I was an early bloomer)
Last moment that had a lasting effect on me was each year we would go to the beach as a family with my best friends family. There was another family from around our area that went the same time so we all became friends. So around the same time as I was starting to bloom I wore one of those halter boy short bikini terrible bathing suits. We were all in the hot tub and one of the boy's kept calling me "Casper the friendly Whale".
Umm thanks.
I was no where near being a large kid (I'm sure the pediatrician would have told my parents) nor did I eat terrible (my mom made us home cooked meals all the time) but those moments had a lasting impression on me to make me think I was fat. We hear it all the time nowadays, the media making little girls think they have to look and act a certain way. I feel like recently though the tides have been turning and it's not the case. But back when I was a kid these comments really got to me. I did the best I could to ignore them, but they were always in the back of my head.
As a teenager and young adult, I was pretty confident on the outside but deep down the insecurities got to me. Do I look ok? Does this make me look fat? I would ask my best friend at lunch if my face looked fat...WHO asks such a random ass question?? I did.
Fast forward many years and when I became pregnant ... the first time. I had the life I always wanted ... I had a good job, a great husband, a new house, the next step was a baby. I put way too much pressure on it and we ultimately ended up miscarrying. I took this really personal and thought I had done something wrong. (I know I didn't and I know it happens a lot) It is such a mindf*ck. I was pretty depressed about it for a couple of months and it didn't help I had to have my blood drawn every week to make sure my levels went down. My body still thought I was pregnant so I put on some weight. I had finally started to feel better about life and was working out regularly to help my depressed state then BAM! I got pregnant ... again. (FYI you are EXTREMELY fertile after you miscarry). I was really scared something was going to happen so I didn't get excited, I didn't tell anyone (besides our parents and siblings) and I didn't even make an appointment until I was 10 weeks along. All in all my pregnancy wasn't terrible, but I did swell A LOT and I constantly hated getting weighed at the doctors EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GAIN WEIGHT! All of those insecurities came rushing back with a vengeance. I became so obsessed with it. It was actually quite ridiculous. I gained over 65 pounds when I was pregnant and gained MORE after I delivered from all of the fluid retention. Like whaaat?! (For the record my daughter was 10lbs 1 oz at birth ... and I am only 5' tall)
So this brings me to today. What is my WHY? I don't want my daughter to ever feel this way. I want her to put the boy in his place if he ever makes a silly comment. I want her to be a role model for her that she can be confident and healthy. I don't want her to let the media influence how she should feel about herself. We are all different, we are not all made from the same cookie cutters. Life would be extremely boring if we were.
Being a health and fitness coach helped me gain my confidence back and put those negative thoughts behind me. I have been through a lot and my body shows it. My thoughts when I signed up were that if I help just ONE person start thinking differently and put those negative thoughts behind them, then it's worth it.
So there is my WHY peeps. I also enjoy cooking A TON but that has always been apart of me.
Until next thyme
-Kam-